Just finished it, and it's due in an hour. Took me about two hours to write, I'm sure you all think it sucks, so tell me extensively WHY it sucks. Give good reasons.
It's interesting, I think, to recall past dreams;
remember that link between prompted introspection
and interpretation. Blinking, as all that seems
is referenced in ink and paper's bright reflection.
Thwarted thoughts take, though thinking through this thereafter
tells what to make of latent self's conscious connection.
For sentiency's sake slumber's allowed to deter,
before you're awake, a sudden bodily action.
Never before and never again have I known
a place more contradictory; where your control deems
itself in or without at once. Only one's own
omens ought ourselves offer others. Those shut eye-gleams
are hardest to detect against shut eyes' cover.
Brilliancy does reflect well, internally, as shown
by endless subject selection and just after
memory teminates collection I am alone.
The details are not important here,
as long as setting was lacking fear.
Cyberdevil
It doesn't suck, thought it would be nice if it rhymed better.
I find it hard to believe that it really took a whole two hours to throw together though . . .
Evark
Every single rhyme in the poem is an exact rhyme. So I have absolutely NO idea what you mean when you say it would be nice if it rhymed better.
And yea, phrasing thing in such a way that things rhyme mid-line every stanza and every other end-line while keeping a consistent syllabic count of 12-13-12-13 isn't something I can do in five minutes. It takes some thought, especially in order to remain eloquent.