it sucks becouse you made it today
and today the antichrist is born
My lexica exude confidence like cartels' Mexicans dispute dominance while this rhyme's ever-increasing prominence brings sick-flow and I to concomitance.
Age 37, Male
Real world
UMass Amherst
Boston, MA
Joined on 10/22/03
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Comments
WTF is this shit!!! Hahaha Dam Hippy!!
Ha ha, truthhhh. I'm in a creative writing poetry class.
it's nosense! thats why its sucks
I've previously heard the same said of your mother.
I enjoy it.
It feels familiar though I cannot quite put my finger on why.
I enjoy the content of it.
Well spoken words.
Good job :-)
Thanks! Glad you like it.
Eh, its not bad. It needs a little work.
Here's one of my poems:
Shall the sweet silent wind take my breath?
Surely if it would, it would cause my death.
Under tall old oak, branches shroud the grass,
Time seems to slip away as it must pass.
So breathe the wind, be not afraid!
Under the old oak tree, thine only shade.
Thanks for the constructive criticism. : /
I can't say I like yours. For such a short poem you refer to identical things in identical ways too often. The second line is kind of pointless in that it just confirms what you meant with the first. The metaphor between life and lying under an oak tree is kind of basic, maybe it'd be more interesting to me if you expanded on it much more.
actually, i re-read it and disagreed with my original comment. though i think its missing some commas.
Yea, I noticed after re-reading it that there were a couple places I should probably adjust the punctuational setup. But I did not notice any LACK of commas.
Every other line rymes, sweet.
I'm glad you noticed.
Cyberdevil
It doesn't suck, thought it would be nice if it rhymed better.
I find it hard to believe that it really took a whole two hours to throw together though . . .
Evark
Every single rhyme in the poem is an exact rhyme. So I have absolutely NO idea what you mean when you say it would be nice if it rhymed better.
And yea, phrasing thing in such a way that things rhyme mid-line every stanza and every other end-line while keeping a consistent syllabic count of 12-13-12-13 isn't something I can do in five minutes. It takes some thought, especially in order to remain eloquent.