This poem is particularly nice to me because I too, have a beach that is mine. Though I'm far away from it and some new group of teenagers has probably called it their own.
You used 'Though I'm....' twice, and unless you plan on using it as a recurring theme, phrases like that are best used only once, lest it seem too repetitive.
I loved this line:
Nobody else is there at night, save guests in my charge and occasional drinking parties illegally starting fires to attract the police.
It had a very nice progression, and when spoken aloud - which i did for this - it had a pretty rhythm.
I didn't like the word lungs though. It had a pungent taste it my mouth when spoken because most of your other words were breathy and exhaling.
mah thoughts.
karlu20
skimmed over it. i dont really like poems no offence.
thoughts: judging you - my ex wrote me poems, theyre the only poems i ever liked, course THEY rhymed, AND were love poems so if u write poems like that its sweet
any other poems and ur 1 of those old ppl thatr boring and stuff
^.^
oh and writing = good
creative writing = why take a class on it when u could easily write creatively on ur own? better because u wouldnt have an assignment
Evark
You confuse me. Firstly: I didn't post any poetry yet. Of course, you probably couldn't tell that this excerpt wasn't a poem since you skimmed over it.
Secondly: I prefer to write poetry that rhymes, and I've written love poems before but they're not anything that I would ever share with NG. 'Cept one I wrote that wasn't a specific love poem probably three years back now for a Valentine's Day poetry thread.
Thirdly: I'm taking a creative writing class because I'm an English major who needs to take those sorts of classes to get his degree in English.
It'd be nice if you'd actually read what I wrote though. Just the part in quotes, really. It's not that long and the language used shouldn't be that abrasive to your sensibility. Or, at least, not any more than your "^.^" was to mine.