I think you're pretty gay.
My lexica exude confidence like cartels' Mexicans dispute dominance while this rhyme's ever-increasing prominence brings sick-flow and I to concomitance.
Age 38, Male
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UMass Amherst
Boston, MA
Joined on 10/22/03
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Comments
That would explain why I'd like you to suck my penis, I suppose.
Just by reading the first word i can tell that the next time i post i'm getting banned...
>:(
In the title, or the body?
... not that either makes sense or anything.
I love it. :-)
Coolies.
Nice one dude. Keep on rockin'
I'm sure you read it and thought about it.
Well.... your better than me. As is in poetry.
My better?
I really like the outer part. The phrase 'although with (break) it doesn't matter' seemed like it was breaking apart the rhythm. I really liked the way it progressed here though. Ignoring all meter and poeticic-ness. I liked the way it would read as a paragraph in a story or essay. It feels like a stroke of paint when you press lightly in the beginning, making a thin pale line, and then pressing harder as the paint disappears from the tip of the brush, leaving a wider, darker line. The language is rich.
should the with next to the first bolded like also be bolded? Or did you want 'fascinated my consciousness' without a 'with' in between. If it was intentional, I like it.
The bolded middle sonnet also has a rich language that I find you use in a lot of your poetry and the words you find make it roll off the tongue. I think your use of language really makes your poems sing. A person with a lesser vocab would struggle to make your poems sound like they do when you say them out loud (which i always do).
The third way has an almost staccato feel because it didn't read as well as the other ones. I needed to go back and read a few words before the transition from bold to unbold to follow along. I do like that you tried to make it read the three ways, it's impressive that you take his style and improve it!
I am a fan and thanks for the update :) Sorry I was such a cunt getting around to respond to it. It's very hard to find internet time when there is a beautiful beach one second from your house and you've been in the cold clutches of canada for 8 months.
I understand, and am jealous. Thanks for the comment, it's good to get decent feedback. To be honest, I got so frustrated with the first part that I might've just left it where it doesn't read properly. *I checked and made sure everything was bolded correctly as it should be,* so nothing there's wrong in that department.
I was most proud of the hyphenation that allows me to have it read as "within" one way, and "without" another way.
----------------------
*[text]* =
Update: uh, that's not so true. I just found a recovered version that shows the new version. I believe your confusion was what prompted me to check.
ur mum
I'll tell her you said so.
Wow, I never knew you got so many comments about your fro, but might I add what a great picture that is of your fro, hehe. Anywho, when did you get big into poetry, I read your past stuff and it's great! It must be the dam hippy in you.
Basically this semester. Since I'm now an English major I'm taking an upper level creative writing class for the major and it happens to be creative writing poetry.
You know me, I own at the written word. So I took the class. Being jobless and in college with few responsibilities has never sounded so good on paper. : b
I really don't know much about poetry other than the fact that I write it. I don't mean to be harsh, though you use big words and such, you seem to lack passion. I know for a fact you are an intelligent person, but I suggest you rely more on emotion than intellect. I'll post a poem I wrote, I like it a lot, but you can feel free to criticize it as much as you like, name:
Sweetness Decay
Sweet is her name
Passion is thick
Sweetness decay
Rapture in sick
Black as the night
Darkness unfold
This is my plight
Shatter the mold
Sin begets sin
Silence is gold
Black is her name
Pleasure untold
Innocent fire
Innocent face
Sweetness in smile
Rotten my grace
Hell may I rest
Gods wrathful scorn
Sweetness I love
Sweetness I burn
_
The only way I think this is a good poem is by the number of people online who have complemented me on it. It's short, simple, symbolic and to the point, but when I wrote it I was filled with emotion. The first poem I ever wrote making sure the syllables matched.
Anyway, I'll have to talk with you on AIM sometime, as I've wanted to do this for a while, I'm just simply not on AIM much, so I don't see you online when I am.
~Mike
I'm also not necessarily on AIM much, despite being on all the time.
I'll confess your poem didn't particularly interest me. There's all sorts of emotional things going on, but ultimately I have no conception of the context of those ideas. There's not really a concrete nature to it at all. I can definitely see what others see in it, though. It's interestingly structured and its succinctness is compelling.
I know nothing about poetry. At All. -_-
$120 is a lot of money for a student who doesn't have a job.
It can really fuck up your plans for the weekend.
I recently got a $500 fine for assault, and possibly 3 months in jail. :(
Hah, that's fine. All you need to know in order to appreciate poetry is how to read a language. As for fines: yea, fuck'em. Who got you riled up enough to rough them up? $500 is not something I'd consider worth paying to punch some sniveling faggot even if he deserved it and no matter what'd been said or done to me.
ngfan14
3 $40 tickets? That sucks.
Evark
Yes.